Sunlight Chapter 8 - A Matthew Espinosa Fanfic

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8. Worried (Matt’s POV) 

The second we landed in Santa Barbara, (our first stop in the tour) I called Morgan. I hope she’s okay at her apartment. I hope nothing bad happened. I just need her to be okay. That’s the only way that I’ll be okay. The second she answered I knew something was wrong. Her voice cracked on the first word she said. I need to come back home for her. She’s not safe. I can only imagine what else her mom did to her that she’s not telling me. When we hang up I text her right away.

"If you ever need me home, just tell me, I will come back."

"I’m really fine Matt. Thank you for caring." I love her so much. I really didn’t want to leave her for this long. I think I’m going to go crazy without her. 

Carter and I get into our hotel and then get unpacked. While we’re unpacking, Carter asks, “Do you want to go to Nash and Cam’s room later? We’re just gonna hang out.” 

"No thanks," Carter nods and then continues unpacking. To be honest, I don’t want to hang out with anyone. I’m not saying I don’t like the guys, they’re like my brothers. But, brothers get annoyed with each other lots of times. And I just don’t feel like being bombarded with questions about Morgan. I also don’t want to miss Morgan’s FaceTime or Snapchat tonight. 

I take a pile of bracelets and then place them on my wrists. 

"You don’t need to hide your scars from me Matt," Carter says sympathetically. Carter and Morgan were the only ones who knew about my my scars. I knew I didn’t have to hide them from Carter but, I just feel less insecure when I’m hiding them; even when I hide them from myself. Because I didn’t feel like talking, I just gave Carter a nod and then took the bracelets off and threw them on the desk in our hotel room. Then I take my red Obey hoodie and throw it over my head. Carter gives me a look that says, Are you kidding? I give a slight shrug and then plop on the bed, my phone at hand. I open up Instagram and check Morgan’s page. I can tell she put herself on private because me and Carter are still her only followers and she made her account hours ago. Her profile picture is still the grey icon you get when you start Instagram. But, Morgan has one picture. I scroll down the slightest bit until the only picture is revealed. It’s the picture of me kissing her cheek and her smiling adorably. I tap it and then  double click it to show that I liked it. She posted it 10 minutes ago and put as the caption, “I’ll never stop loving you” I smile instantly. 

"Why are you smiling like an idiot?" Carter laughs at me.

"Look at Morgan’s post," I say looking up at him. Carter’s holding a red gatorade bottle with his phone in his other hand. He unlocks his phone and I watch him tap Instagram. 

Within the next two seconds he says, “Awww. So sweet!” I laugh at his reaction. 

"Bro, just call her already. You’re obviously gonna get even weirder if you don’t," Carter huffs after a while of me just staring at my screen like an idiot.

"No, I already called her like a few minutes," I reply. Carter shrugs and then walks out of the room. 

A few hours pass and it’s now 9:00pm. That means it’s already 11 in Virgina. I’m listening to “Why Try from Ariana’s new album, My Everything. At exactly 9:04 I get a text from Morgan. “Facetime?” Of course I reply right away. “Sure” Seconds later, the song stops and “Morgan My Love  would like to FaceTime” shows up on my screen. I pull out my headphones. I then click accept right away. I can tell she was in her room. She had headphones in her ears. Her hair was in a long, messy braid that fell over her right shoulder. She was smiling.

"I already miss that smile," I say first. She smiles and then giggles a little. I miss that giggle too. I miss everything about her and we haven’t even been apart for that long. How will I survive 2 whole months?

"What are you doing?" she asks in a whisper. I assume that she’s trying to stay quiet so no one can her her like Dave and her mom. I know what that’s like. When I was with the foster family before the one I have now, they were abusive to me. I was distant friends with Carter because at the time, I was living in a small neighborhood in the busy streets of Philadelphia. Whenever we would facetime, I would have to be either outside where no one could hear me, or in my room with headphone and barely speak. 

"Just talking to you and watching some TV. What are you doing?" I reply.

"Just sitting on my bed." I wonder how she’s doing with what we promised. 

"Wrists," I demand kindly.She grunts and then holds her wrists up to the camera. I don’t see any fresh scars. I nod and smile. 

"I’m so proud of you babe."

"Thanks. But. I don’t know how much I can go. You’re the whole reason why I stopped." I can see the tears building in her eyes. This makes me feel guilty for leaving. I knew I shouldn’t have left. 

"I’ll come back then."

"No don’t. I’ll be okay," she says. I can tell she regretted saying that I was the reason she stopped. She wants me to stay here and make my fans happy. I hear footsteps in the background on Morgan’s side of the call. Her face shoots past the phone and then back.

"I have to go," she says frantically. 

"Who was that?" I ask my whole body tensing up.

"Nothing. Bye Matt," Morgan says looking even more frightened.

"Morgan!" I start to yell. She looks down at the camera.

"I love you!" I try saying before I get one last glance at her frightened eyes until she disappears off my screen. It was too late. She didn’t hear me. Who was it? Who’s footsteps were they? What’s happening? Are they hurting Morgan now? I stand up with all these questions floating around in my head. I start to pace back and forth in front of the large TV. I run my hand through my hair multiple times. Morgan needs to stay strong. I need to know she’s okay. But I won’t ever know that until she talks to me.

Carter comes back into the room at 1:15 am. At that time, I’m sitting on the bed staring down at the floor. All of the thoughts flooding my mind. My phone is resting in my hand. I’m waiting for a text that will probably never come.

"What’s wrong?" Carter asks sitting next to me. I stay staring at the floor. Carter shakes me a little taking me out of my daze. I tell him what happened on facetime. The second I finish telling Carter, My phone vibrates in my hand. I jump a little before looking down to see who the text was from. 

"I’m sorry about earlier. I’m fine." It was from Morgan. I let out a huge sigh of relief. I felt like I was holding that breath for hours because when I let out the sigh, my whole body untensed. I text back telling her that it’s okay and that she should get some sleep.

Receiving that text helped me sleep that night. Tomorrow is the first day of the two day event. I need to get some sleep so that I don’t disappoint my fans. 

I wake up with just enough time to get ready and then get to the soundcheck in time. Carter’s laying on his bed watching TV, looking ready to go. I look over at him and he’s already staring at me. I look away. To hide the scars, I wear my red and blue Obey hoodie. It covers up most of my neck and my arms. I throw on a pair of khaki shorts to go with it. Lastly, I fix my hair and walk out of the bathroom.

"We should go," Carter says as he stands up and turns the TV off. I grab my room key, phone then slip them into my back pocket. Carter does the same following me out the door. We go down the elevator from the 5th floor, to the first floor.

We got down to the lobby and saw the rest of the guys waiting for us. We take the back way into the venue which was only two buildings down from where we were all staying.

All the guys were on the stage being goofy with the microphone while I sat on the edge of the stage scrolling through

"Bro you okay?" Nash says sitting next to me. I look over at him and simply nod giving a fake, no teeth smile. "You sure? How’s Morgan?" Nash’s questions are getting annoying now. Doesn’t he see I don’t want to talk?

"Uh, she’s good," I say trying not to yell at him.

"That’s good." Nash pats me on the back and then walks over to join the guys.

The meet and greet starts and I put on a fake smile. But once I meet the first fan, the smile turns real. The only thing that makes me happy, other than Morgan, is meeting my fans, not just my fans, my friends. I shouldn’t even call them my fans. They’re all more than that. They’re my friends, my supporters, my loves. Morgan is still in the front of my mind when I meet my them though. I even see a few that look like her.

One of the girls I meet jumps on me and I spin her around. Once I put her down, I can see my sleeve has rolled up exposing my scars. Feeling the blood rush to my cheeks, I pull my sleeves back down. I look around to see if anyone saw them. A few girls in the front of the line saw I’m pretty sure but the one girl who  was standing in front of me definitely saw them. She gives me one more hug and then pulls the many bracelets on her right wrist up her arm to reveal almost as many scars as mine. 

"You’re not alone Matt. We love you."

"That you." I smile at her and then turn around getting ready for the picture.

"Can you kiss me on the cheek?" she asks.

"Definitely babe," I reply kissing her on the cheek. She then walks slowly over to Carter at the next booth.

~A/N Hope you guys liked chapter 8! Please inbox me your feedback. Also please inbox me and tell me if you’re reading this fanfic cuz I feel like no one is lol. ily all<3

boys-and-suicide
me-just-being:

and-ill-try-to-fix-you:

luhxed:

amkodreo:

dreadful-secrets:

hbbluv:

n1neteeen:

faux-contes-de-dalia:

counting-stars-at-2am:

dontletmewalkaway:

xbrendaaax:

dominos-16:

boys-and-suicide:

I wish I was dead

I wish u were mine

I wish you never left.

I wish you didn’t say that we were inevitable.

i wish you were here to hold me

I wish I never met you

I wish you would wake up

I wish for a day with you

I wish you could be at my side

I wish you were with her that day.. R.I.P

I wish you’d let me go

I wish you’d realize that we should be together

I wish I could forget about you.


I wish everyone could just be happy

me-just-being:

and-ill-try-to-fix-you:

luhxed:

amkodreo:

dreadful-secrets:

hbbluv:

n1neteeen:

faux-contes-de-dalia:

counting-stars-at-2am:

dontletmewalkaway:

xbrendaaax:

dominos-16:

boys-and-suicide:

I wish I was dead

I wish u were mine

I wish you never left.

I wish you didn’t say that we were inevitable.

i wish you were here to hold me

I wish I never met you

I wish you would wake up

I wish for a day with you

I wish you could be at my side


I wish you were with her that day.. R.I.P

I wish you’d let me go

I wish you’d realize that we should be together

I wish I could forget about you.

I wish everyone could just be happy

boys-and-suicide
boys-and-suicide:

I’ve heard things like boys can’t have eating disorders, shouldn’t self harm, can’t be depressed, and shouldn’t cry because it’s weak.  It’s hurtful to hear those because I do suffer with these, like many other guys out there.  It plummets my self esteem and sense of self worth.  I just want the guys out there to know that they’re not alone, that there are other boys out there suffering.  I notice you.

boys-and-suicide:

I’ve heard things like boys can’t have eating disorders, shouldn’t self harm, can’t be depressed, and shouldn’t cry because it’s weak.  It’s hurtful to hear those because I do suffer with these, like many other guys out there.  It plummets my self esteem and sense of self worth.  I just want the guys out there to know that they’re not alone, that there are other boys out there suffering.  I notice you.

boys-and-suicide

boys-and-suicide:

nolonger-inthemood-tocare:

boys-and-suicide:

I remember the day this video blew up on Tumblr. Two years later this story still gets to me. Will always miss you Amanda Todd.
 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vOHXGNx-E7E

I agree that it’s sad she died but what about everyone else that didn’t put a video up for help? The people who thought they didn’t deserve it so the killed them selves? Why are we focussing in on one girl who died when there are countless others who deserve just as much attention.

Yes we know people die every day to suicide. However it’s not her fault her video went viral. She doesn’t deserve all the hate from people after she died because her video got big. It happens and with knowing that we need to use her as a prime example for all these other teens. We should be fortunate her story got as big as it did to open people’s eyes this happens to a lot of people.

Sunlight Chapter 7 - A Matthew Esinosa Fanfic

Click here for the previous chapter

7. A Hard Goodbye (Morgan’s POV)

I wake and I’m in a room with Liam, my mom and my dad. There are six tables. The first three tables each have something different on it. The first table has a knife on it. The second one has a gun on it. The third table has a whip on it. The last three tables have love on it. I can’t describe how the ‘love’ looked. I just know that, that was love on the tables. As I struggle to move, I notice my feet are stuck to the ground.

Liam walks forward and reaches for the knife. He walks back to his starting spot. Next, my mom walks forward, her face lifeless. She grabs the whip then moves back. Last, my dad steps forward and starts to walk towards the first table with love on it. My dad still loves me, I think to myself. Right when he’s about to take the love, his arms shoot back and then he goes for the gun. What? What does this mean?

In unison all three of them say, “We never loved you Morgan.” They walk around the tables like soldiers. Now they are just a mere foot away.

First my Mom whips me in the leg. My thigh stings with a familiar but worser pain. I feel my leg start to blister. Next Liam and my dad step forward together. At the same time, Liam stabs me in the side and my dad shoots me in the head. I scream bloody murder as I shoot straight up.

I look around to see where I am. I’m back in Matt’s room. My face is soaked with tears and sweat. I’m breathing fast and I can’t control it. I feel Matt shift next to me. He sits up fast.

"What happened? Are you okay Morgan?" he asks worriedly.

"No," I pant. I take the blankets off and curl up in a ball, my head between my knees. I feel Matt’s hand on my back moving up and down and his other hand trying to get me to look at him.

"Shh. It was just a dream. Just a dream," I hear him whisper. I’m still breathing heavily. He rests his chin on the top of my head. Feeling his presence made me calm down a bit.

"Breathe Morgan. Take a deep breath." I do as he says.

"It was h-horrible," I say as I uncurl and wrap my arms around Matt’s neck. He holds me tight. He pulls me onto his lap.

"Everything’s okay. No one can hurt you as long as I’m here. I won’t ever let anyone hurt you. Shhh," Matt’s voice calms me down. But what about when he is gone? What if, while he’s gone my mom does whip me, Liam does stab me? He’ll be on the complete other side of the country. He won’t be able to do anything. We lay back down, Matt’s arms around my body. He strokes my hair and squeezes me tight until I fall asleep.Just before I drift off I hear him whisper, “You’re strong Morgan.”



The next day I wake up to a missing Matt. My feet touch the cold wooden floor. I scan the room then walk out. Matt and Carter are sitting at the kitchen table eating breakfast and talking. I take a seat next to Matt.

"When do you guys leave?" I question.

"In two hours at 10:00." Carter replies. I’ve grown very close to Carter and sort of his family this past week and a half. Carter is like the older brother I should’ve had,  Kealia is one of my good friends now, his parents are so kind to me and treat me like I’m their own. I’m so thankful for what they have done for me.

"Come here," Matt says as he grabs my hand and leads me upstairs. We went into my room and we sat down on my bed.

"First, how are you?" he asks looking into my eyes.

"Better I guess. Thank you for being there for me Matt."

"Whenever you need me, I promise I’ll be there." Next he got up and took my phone off the top of my packed bag. "Now, I want you to get Instagram, Twitter, Vine, and snapchat. Go now. Download it."

"Bossy much?" I say giggling. I download all the apps he told me to get. "

Now I want you to snapchat me everyday along with text and everything.” I nod. “And I’m warning you, some bad rumors go around about me and the guys. No matter what, don’t believe them. Unless they’re good, those are true.” I laugh at his remark.

"Okay okay I get it, you’re a good guy." He wraps his arms around me.

"Come with us to the airport."

"Okay," is all I seem to get out.


10:00 came quicker than I wanted it to. Matt, Carter and I got into the car. Carter got into the driver’s seat and Matt and I were in the back. I was on my phone setting up everything like Instagram and Twitter. I feel Matt look over my shoulder. Two seconds later I get a notification on Instagram, “Matthew Espinosa (@matthewespinosa) Started following you” I smile without looking up. My phone vibrates in my hand.

"Matthew My Love
Hey babe😘”
That was when I looked up at him. A tear makes its way down my cheek. Matt puts his hand on my face and wipes the tear away with the pad of his thumb.

"I love you Morgan."

"I love you more Matt," I reply sobbing.

“Not possible.”

"Is possible," I reply. The car slows down.

"Okay love birds, you can go have you’re little scene in the airport like every other couple does," Carter laughs at his own joke.

"Shut up Carter," Matt laughs along. "C’mon Morgan," I scootch out of the car and I help Matt and Carter with their bags. We walk in and that was when I grabbed Matt’s wrist. I feel the scars that I forgot was there. I pause for a second.

"Stay with me  forever," I plead.

"Promise," he replies squeezing my hand. We walk towards the line. I stay in line with Matt and Carter until it’s their turn. Carter goes first.

"Bye Carter. Have fun."

"Thanks Morgan I’ll see you later," We embrace and then he then walks on.

"Call, FaceTime, text, Snapchat everyday. Remember our promise," Matt says looking into my eyes. I burst into tears and hug him. I was sort of hoping he had forgotten about the promise we made.

"Okay." I say sobbing. He pulls me back from the hug, both his hands on my shoulders.

"You’re the best thing that ever happened to me Morgan. Stay strong. I love you. I’ll see you in two months."

"I love you Matt." We kiss until the people behind us start to get annoyed. Our lips move in sync one last time. He pulls away but I lean in for more. Matt pulls back. I feel his breath on my lips.

"I’ll talk to you tonight," Matt says.

"Okay. Have fun Matt." He nods then turns and walks on.

~

(Matt’s POV)

Leaving Morgan back there was the hardest thing I’ve ever chose to do. I saw the hurt in her eyes as I walked away. She leaned in for a longer kiss, but I knew I couldn’t. My heart shattered into a million pieces. I couldn’t look anymore, so I turned my head.

I pull my phone out and text her one more time. “I’ll see you soon.” The delivered sign changes to “Read 10:58am”

"Text me when you land. I’ll miss you." I put my phone in my back pocket. Carter is standing there waiting for me. He pats my back.

"Its okay bro. These two months will go by fast." I look down at my feet. When I blink, a wet tear comes from my eye. We get through security and then we’re walking down the jetway. I take my seat next to Carter. Thankfully it’s a window seat. My eyes instantly look outside to see if I can see Morgan. I can’t, I just see the field to the other side of the plane. I couldn’t stay strong anymore. I broke down right there. These two months need to go by fast. But I know they won’t without Morgan.
~
(Morgan’s POV)

I walked over to the window joining the many families watching as the planes took off. I watched as Matt’s plane went down the Catwalk then into the sky.

Each stair creeks louder than the one before as I make my way up. While I walk into my room my phone lights up with a Twitter notification. “@TheMattEspinosa is now following you!” and “@Mr_Carterr is now following you!” I smile and slide the notification. It brings me instantly to Matt’s profile. Wow, 1.9m followers. His layout is so cute. It’s him with a crowd as his icon and the back of a little duckling. That’s so him. I laugh silently to myself. While I turn the doorknob, I put my phone in my back pocket. My eyes instantly go to the big crystal chandelier, as usual.

I get back to the Reynold’s to get my bags and leave. I hug them and tell them goodbye.

"take care sweetie," Mrs. Reynolds says to me after I pull away from out hug.

"Text me girl," Kealia tells me. I tell her I will and then I say goodbye to Mr. Reynolds. I make my way to the door then I turn around and take one last look at the mansion I have been staying in for the past two weeks and a half. I really don’t want to go back with my mom, Dave and Liam.

With my two bags on my slung over my shoulders, I close the door and take the usual route back to my apartment. I pass the place where Liam hurt me and Matt. The second I close my eyes, scenes from that night come rushing back. The way Matt threw himself in front of me to take the punch, the pain I felt when Liam kicked my side. Liam’s dead drunk eyes staring straight at me. Being in the back of the ambulance. I sprint away from there and I end up in front of my old apartment.

I step through the door of my old apartment. The scent of alcohol and smoke goes up my nose and into my system. I cringe. My eyes scan the living room and kitchen. I hope everyone’s okay. Fuck me for caring ugh. I walk down the familiar narrow hallway leading to my old bedroom. I throw my bags on my unmade bed.

"So you’re back." My body shoots around to see my mom standing in the doorway. I clear my throat.

"Uh yeah." I choke out.

"I thought you ran away. Why didn’t you?" She has a cigarette between her index and middle finger.

"I um."

“You should’ve stayed away Morgan. No one wants you. Hell, I’m your mom and I don’t even want you.” I just stare into her hateful eyes. She turns down the hallway. She reaches her hand up to put the cigarette in her mouth. All this rage built up inside me, before I know it I spit out,

"WELL SOMEONE DOES CARE ABOUT ME. HE LOVES ME!" I cover my mouth the second those words slip out. My mom comes storming back. We’re now face to face, her cigarette less than and inch away from my top lip. I try my hardest to keep a serious face other than break down right there. She slaps me on my left cheek.

"No one loves you. This boy just feels sorry for you Morgan. Where is he?"

"He’s, uh, out of the state." I say my voice cracking.

"Well if he really loved you, why did he leave without you? Huh? I know he’s never coming back for you because you’re a little bitch and no one wants you." My anger gets the best of me and I feel my foot collide with her thigh.

"You’re still the weakest little girl I know. I wish you would just leave and die." I feel myself tearing up. I refuse to blink. My mom leaves and then re-enters with an old belt. I don’t move a muscle. I can’t tell if it’s out of fright or because I want to show that I’m not frightened. As she lifts her arm I turn my head and close my eyes. I feel a stinging pain on the same cheek she slapped me with.

 I’m left laying on my bed, my phone in my hand all alone. I don’t even want to look in the mirror to see what mark is left on my cheek. My phone vibrates continuously. I grunt and sit up.

"Matthew My Love is calling…" I accepted it right away.

"Hey babe how are you?" I hear his soothing voice say. I sniffle trying to sound okay for Matt.

"Everything’s fine. Um my family isn’t home right now so," I sniffle again, "I’m okay. How was your flight?"

"Morgan, something’s wrong. I can tell." I take a deep breath. Right then, at that moment I broke down.

"Matt," I say biting my lip trying to make it stop quivering.

"Morgan talk to me please."

"A-are you c-coming back after th-the tour?"

"Of course I am Morgan! Not a day later. I promise. Now tell me what’s bothering you." Now the tears are coming out like a waterfall.

"N-nothing. It’s just," I pause, "my m-mom. Um, she s-slapped me again and uh-um, used a belt as a whip. She s-said some h-hateful things. B-but I’m u-used to it." There’s an awfully long silence on the other side of the call.

"I need to come back. I need to be there for you. No one can hurt you and get away with it anymore. I knew this was a bad idea. I’m coming home Morgan. I’m getting on the first flight back home. I-" I cut him off.

"Matt no. You can’t let your fans down. Please. I’ll be fine. I’ll still call you and FaceTime you daily and fill you in on everything. Don’t come back just for me okay? I’m fine on my own." A long silence takes over the conversation.

"Okay but if anything else happens, you need to tell me right away," Matt says breaking the silence

"I’ll text you okay?" I hear Matt take a deep breath before answering.

"Yeah okay. Love you."

"Love you more."

"Not possible."

"Is possible." I reply before hitting the red circular ‘end’ button.

Click here for the next chapter

~A/N Hope you guys liked chapter 7! Please inbox me your feedback! ily all<3